What Does it Mean to Have a Gentle and Quiet Spirit?

Since I got engaged this past December (whoot!)I have been reading tons and tons of articles and books about wedding planning and marriage. But most importantly, I have been reading scripture about love and what marriage is supposed to look like. Some of the verses I have read were encouraging and some, frankly, were confusing and scary.

1 Peter 3:4 says that “Instead, it [talking about your beauty] should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.”

If anyone in my life were to describe me in a few words, ‘gentle’ and ‘quiet’ would not be among them. Things like ‘loud’  ‘independent’ ‘strong willed’ or ‘outgoing’ would be the words used to describe me. So a verse that calls me to be gentle and quiet is scary.

Does this mean I have to completely change who I am in order to be a good, Godly wife?

Absolutely not. God made me the person I am. He made me loud and outgoing and talkative; he knows this is me. And that person is the one he made for my future husband. After a serious conversation with my fiancé addressing my fear of being the wrong kind of person for marriage, I realized from his encouraging words exactly what it means to have a gentle and quiet spirit. 

And guess what? It has nothing to do with my personality and everything to do with my attitude.

As my fiancé put it, it does not mean I have to stop being ‘me.’ In fact, he told me I already have a gentle and quiet spirit and pointed out all sorts of situations in which I exhibited that.

A while back, he came to me wanting to start a home bible study for the group of college kids we hung out with. There was a small college class at our church, but he felt we needed more. He called me one night and zealously told me all about his plan to have an amazing, powerful college group meeting every Sunday night. I responded by telling him how great of an idea it was, but gently pointed out a few of the complications and hindrances we would run into if we did that, especially since he just joined the National Guard and will be leaving for Basic Training in a few months. I told him to consider them but ultimately I would enthusiastically support whatever decision he made, including giving up every Sunday night to be there with him.

He told me later that I couldn’t have handled that better, and he was thankful for my insight because I pointed out things he wouldn’t have thought of.

I handled that situation with a ‘gentle and quiet’ spirit, and I hadn’t even realized it. 

Having and exhibiting the gentle and quiet spirit God has called us to have does not mean that you have to whisper and drink your tea with your pinky in the air and walk as though your feet don’t actually touch the ground. Actually, it means quite the opposite. Becoming the woman described in this infamous scripture is not impossible; it is not a stifling, suppressing call. 

Having a gentle and quiet spirit is nothing more than simply becoming more like Christ. 

Sometimes as Christians we focus so much on what one specific verse is telling us to be and we try and try to change ourselves. But the bottom line is we are the flawed human beings that God created, and without Him we will fall short of all He has called us to be. If our main goal is to become, act and have a Christ-like spirit, everything else will fall into place. 

It’s not about how often you speak, but the words you choose to say.

It’s not about how loud you speak, but the tone of your voice.

It’s not about how lightly you touch, but the tenderness and care that is in it. 

It’s not about being invisible, it’s about your actions being kind and warm and full of love. 

It is not about the politics of Scripture, but it is about striving every day to quiet your Spirit to hear God’s voice and become more and more like Him.