Being engaged and planning your wedding is such a wonderful...ly overwhelming time in your life. It is euphoric and joyful but it can also cause a lot of stress on your relationship. Here are some ways my fiance and I have found help keep the stress from getting to us.
1. Take
a break. Just stop planning. For five minutes, let the wedding wheels that
are constantly turning in your head stop. I had such a hard time with this one.
Right after we got engaged, all I wanted to do was Google and Pinterest and
dream about our wedding. So much that sometimes I’d spent our date time on my
phone looking at wedding ideas. I thought “I’m planning our wedding, which
counts right?” It doesn’t. No amount of love poured into your big day can
replace you pouring into your relationship.
2. Prioritize.
Don’t try and do everything at once. You will overwhelm yourself and your fiancé
(and your budget). Figure out together as a couple what aspects of your wedding
are most important and put those together. My fiancé and I cared very much
about the venue, the ceremony and getting the music taken care of. We booked the place, the DJ and the officiant
first thing. Next, the photographer. The rest we’ll deal with as it comes.
3. Plan
for the rest of your life. Your wedding is a big day. It’s an amazing day,
and it’s a fleeting day. But remember it is JUST ONE DAY. After the wedding,
you have hundreds and thousands of days you need to be ready for. This all
depends on your current living situation and routine. If you both have homes,
you’ll have to figure out where you’ll live and how to deal with your
mortgages. If you are like me, and you’re both living with your parents until
the wedding, you’ll need to apartment hunt and decide on how to set up your new
mutual living space.
4. Leave
him out of it. Your fiancé loves you. He is a caring man who will happily
listen to everything you have to say. But that doesn’t mean he always wants to.
Give him a break from the wedding talk every now and then. Instead, talk about
him. He’s more than just your groom, and while you probably are wearing wedding
white tinted glasses, he probably isn’t. Ask him about his work, family, and
friends; pick up football games, etc. Just talk about something else and leave
the “I can’t decide which shade of dark purple I like best for the tablecloths”
discussion to your bridesmaids.
5. Accommodate
his ‘absolutes’ You’ve probably been dreaming about your wedding since you
were a kid and even if you haven’t, I can guess the wedding details are far
more important to you than they are to him. But you may be surprised that there
are certain details about your wedding that your fiancé’ actually cares a lot
about. For instance, my fiancé’ has been very ‘I want whatever kind of wedding
that makes you my wife’ but there have been one or two things he was ‘absolute’
about. He wanted his very close family friend and pastor to officiate and he
wanted his nephew to be the ring bearer. Of all the details about our wedding,
he only really wanted those two things. The rest, he was indifferent about. So,
I made it work. And the bright side? That was two less things I had to take
care of.
6. Build
a fort. Seriously. Take a bunch of blankets and make an adventure out of
your living room. Hide away in it on a rainy day like you did when you were
kids. Be silly and laugh and cuddle and talk about your dreams.
7. Get
active. Go indoor rock climbing. Go bowling. Go on a hike, or a run or a
walk. Or just chase each other around the house. But get moving. Play together;
it will lead to laughter and endorphins and bonus, getting a little closer to
the shape you want to be in for the big day.
What other tips do
you have on keeping your relationship strong during your engagement?
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